Believe. Don’t blame the victim. It is not the victims fault. Believe what your friend is telling you. Many victims feel uncomfortable talking about it because they are ashamed and already blame themselves for that happened. Don’t ignore what happened or try to “smooth it over”

Ask. Ask your friend if there is anything they need or want.

Encourage. Encourage your friend to seek medical attention. Even if they do not seem physically hurt or it happened a while ago. Encourage them to seek support and talk to a counselor in person, or encourage them to call a 24 hour hotline.

Assist. Help your friend find information and resources. If your friend asks, accompany them to get help. Go with them to get medical care or to report the assault with the police.


Understand. Try and understand what your friend is going through. It is a very difficult time for them. They have just been though an emotionally painful experience. Just being there when your friend needs you, will help a lot. Be patient with your friend. Understand that the healing process takes time.

Respect. Always respect your friend’s privacy. Do not disclose personal information to others that they shared with you. After all they chose to confide in you because they trusted you. Let your friend decide who they tell and who they do not.

Take care of yourself. If someone you know is raped, you might be very shaken up as well. There is nothing wrong with getting some support for yourself even if your friend does not want to talk to a counselor. A counselor can help you better understand what you are feeling and what your friend is going through. It may also help you get ideas on how to help your friend.

As a friend, parent, or partner of a survivor, you are important and there are many things you can do to help. Make sure you let them know you want to be there for them when they need your support. The support you give to the survivor will help determine how the healing process will move faster. Make sure you assure them that they are NOT to blame for the assault. Be positive and encourage the victim to get help. Let the survivor be in control of the decisions she makes. Be aware that each victim will react differently and in their own way and own time.

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The Top 5 Ways to Protect Yourself

Written for Oxygen.com in 2005 by Erin Weed

There are many websites and chain e-mails out there that call themselves the top safety tips for women. Unfortunately, most of the advice on those e-mails and websites are over-sensationalized and not remotely empowering. Their sole focus is to scare women to death, which in my opinion, doesn’t make anyone safer. It just makes us more paranoid (which is a pretty worthless state of mind when it comes to preventing violence). While there are many things we can do as women to live a safer life, I have complied the top 5 things we can do as women to live a safer life, I have complied the top 5 things you can do TODAY to prevent yourself from becoming a victim.

1. Accept that violence exists and you may be faced with it during your lifetime.

Many women walk through their life with their head stuck in the sand pretending that violence only happens to people on the nightly news. Accepting that violence is happening can be a great motivator to develop safety plans in your daily life. For example, call your local police department and have them do a home security assessment. Or, take your car in for that long-overdue tune-up so you don’t get stranded in an unfamiliar place. We can only be prepared for events we take time to predict and prevent.

2. Learn about the power of intuition and start trusting it.

While some of us have a hard time believing it, out intuition is the best survival instinct we’ve got.  Unfortunately for women, it’s also the survival skill we most often ignore. To learn all about this amazing life-saving instinct that is hard-wired within each of us, I recommend the book, The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. It’s a fascinating, quick read that flows like an action novel, but still teaches crucial survival information.

3. Assess your body language, and make changes where necessary.

Have you ever seen a woman walking down the street, who won’t make eye contact, stares at the ground, has slouched posture and doesn’t seem to be paying attention to her surroundings? Or maybe someone who is lost in conversation on their cell phone? Don’t be that girl! Bad guys look for easy prey, in this case, women who don’t appear ready or willing to fight back. Non-verbal communication is actually more powerful than verbal communication. Take a look at what your body language saying. Assess your posture, eye contact and confidence level and make changes where necessary. Be a bad victim!

4. Don’t assume other people will save you.

One of my favorite mottos is “Your personal safety begins and ends with you.” We have been raised to believe that if we’re confronted by violence, our daddy, or husband or Mr. Police Officer will save us. In most cases, however we are alone, and trapped and need to save ourselves. Arm yourself with the skills necessary to become your own nest protector.

5. Take a women’s self defense class.

No safety tips or checklist can replace the value of learning to defend yourself. For may women, signing up for a self-defense class is their worst fear. But trust me, knowing how to fight back is empowering! Look for programs that have at least one female instructor, are intended for practical self-defense (not just martial arts) and also address preventative measures and verbal de-escalation strategies. You can find a class near you on my website at www.girlsfightback.com

This is an article that was taken from the Girls Fight Back website. You can find more of Erin Weed’s tips and knowledge on how to stay safe and be a “bad victim”. Learn how to protect yourself. Take a self defense course or class.